06 - Just a Step Amongst the Stairs

So here's the idea.  Feature a song a day for every day of the most magnificent season of Autumn.  The songs are ones that capture the thoughts/ideas/images/feelings of the season for me.  It's my "Autumnal Playlist" if you will.

Today's song is a bit of a mood changer.  Especially considering the subject matter it brings to mind when I hear it.


 Song 06/Day 06

Today's Song:  "Overcome," off the album V, by the amazing band LĪVE.


Live had become one of my favorite bands a few years before V hit the market.  A lot of their music has that Autumnal feel to it.  Like most music I "discover," I come across it from movies/trailers/or tv.  I think this may be one of the earliest accounts of it.  I heard the song "Lightning Crashes," used on a trailer for the Sandra Bullock flick, "Hope Floats," in the spring of '98 (end of Freshman year at Evangel University.)  I don't think I ever saw the movie.  But it turned me onto this band that I soon found out was from my same county in PA.

Soon after I had raided the local used CD stores and picked up, "Throwing Copper," and "Secret Samadhi."  The latter would bring me to one of my all time favorite songs, which will appear on this list on October 8th.  The album V debuted on September 18th, 2001.

A week after 9/11.

This song struck me when I first heard it, and I connected it to the events.  I guess a lot of people felt that way.  Months later a music video of this song would air featuring footage of the aftermath.  It was powerful.  It cemented that event with this song in my mind.  I remember listening to it and it became like a prayer of sorts.  There were tears at times.

Music can be powerful and potent.  I think every person reacts differently.  For me this song will forever be mournful and in honor of those who died in the attacks, and those who worked tirelessly to save as many as they could.  It makes me long for the unity our nation had in the weeks following those horrible events.

I am particularly struck by the lyrics:

Beautiful drowning
This beautiful drowning
This holy water
This holy water, is in my lungs

I'll let the song speak for itself.

Day 06/Song 06 - Overcome by Live.

-jesse

Hindsight Is 20/11

This has been an incredible year.  Full of hope, promise and change.  (No political references intended.)  I think back to where I was a year ago, and where I am now...or about to be, and I see God's hand all over it.  Usually I don't see that until I look back, but this time I was blessed to see it the whole time.  Maybe not in every detail, but I knew it was Him who was moving me.

It was today, a year ago, that I began the preparations to move from Joliet, IL back to the area of my childhood/youth in Central PA.  It was an easy choice, but it was difficult on certain levels to execute.  I had to leave behind a wonderful family of friends.  You know who you are.  Yes, you.  I'm not a fan of listing out names and stuff.  There is a deep bond with the different people I called house-mates, the students and leaders of the Bin, my employers, and of course the folks at Southwest.

I also left behind comfort and certainty.

I knew that every weekday I'd head to Plainfield for work.  Wednesdays I would leave work and go straight to the barn for The Bin.  Weekends were always up in the air, except for Sunday.  I knew what I had to look forward to upon parking my car at home.  I always felt welcome and safe.  I knew God had worked in my life there, and that he would continue to work in others.  But my time was up.

So, I planned.  Saved.  Sold.  Packed.  Moved.

I had nothing but support from everyone there in Illinois.  It was hard to leave.  I was blessed to have a great friend travel with me back to PA.  That 13 hour drive would have been a lot harder and longer without her.

Then I was back.

In some ways everything was different.  In others nothing had changed.  There are positives and negatives to both aspects of that.  Some of the fruits that were planted when I first returned are just now starting to grow.  Others may take longer.  But like I said, God's hand has been guiding me this whole time.  Moving me toward the right people and opportunities.

I was blessed to go back to South Africa with BGC again this year.  It was another incredible trip.  Every second spent in Africa makes me love it all the more.  All of the people there have made an indelible impression upon my life.

I got to team up with a fantastic ministry in M28.  Their emphasis on discipleship has  been encouraging and challenging.  While it took a while, I've finally been connected with someone to walk along side of down that road to being a disciple.

Some other great things have been reconnecting with some old friends and allowing those friendships to become deeper than phone/email could allow.  There is something about being in the same space as someone that just makes a huge difference.  This has led to challenges and growth (and practically reviving) my art.  Also a new found appreciation for eating better and trying new things.

Not only old friends, but I have found a fantastic group of new friends in my co-workers, as well as the incredible folks at the Pancake Mansion in Harrisburg!  I have been blessed with such a variety of viewpoints and attitudes from these people.  Looking forward to where these friendships go in the future.

So as I look to the future and the adventure that starts for me Monday...I can look back on 2011 and despite the difficulties and challenges (which I'm skipping over in this post) I know 2012 will be amazing, as long as I keep letting God lead and guide me.  (That's not to say I haven't/won't make mistakes...not claiming to be perfect here!)

The adventure I speak of, is that I'm moving into a "Sober House" on Monday to be the House Manager.  It's not a job.  I'll be there in the house to be the ground wire.  The resident assistant.  A source of consistency and accountability for the guys who will be living there.  The house is for men who were addicted to drugs and/or alcohol.  It's a step further from addiction than an half-way house.  I'm excited about this and believe 100% that God has led me to it.

I'm also excited because I know I'm not in this alone.  I know I'll be living there, but there is a fantastic team of people who are willing to give time and effort to these men.  So if you're in the area and want to help, email me.  If getting directly involved isn't your thing, then pray.  Pray for the men to live there.  Pray for their lives to be changed by Jesus.  That they can overcome their addictions and move into a life that is free from those things.  Pray for peace and community in the house.  And for favor in the eyes of the neighborhood.

Thanks for reading!  I'll be back in 2012!

Happy New Year
grace, peace + hope-Bear

Nostalgic Momentum

It's the far side of Summer and my favorite season is merely a few days away.  The weather has been quite cool for the better part of the last week, and it's just the kind of atmosphere to send one strolling down memory lane.

That and the past four months seem to be beating me over the existential head with that concept of nostalgia.

It all started just before the move back to PA.  I had purchased the album Build a Rocket Boys by one of my favorite bands, Elbow.  It was a bit tougher to get into this album than the bands previous work.  But there was something in it that tugged at me.  It's mellow tunes seemed to rewind time and take me back to days gone by.

As I kept listening to the album after the move, it started to sink in that this album was a nostalgic look back on life.  Times of childhood adventures and the rosy colored memories of the "good-ol-days."  It also made me miss my new family in Illinois (yes Deeter's this means you) and all the people I love there.  If you're thinking, "Does he mean me?"  If you knew me while I lived in the Plainfield area, yeah, I mean you.

But my journey doesn't end there.  The mere concept of moving back to my home town was like diving into a gargantuan pool of yesterday.  Despite things being so different, so much is the same.  I'm sure I drove some friends crazy with my, "That's different," or "What happened to the...?" and "That used to be a...," comments.  Driving through old neighborhoods, visiting once familiar places was great and plumbed the depths of my memories.

Then you factor in some of the movies this summer.  Many were based in the past, or had throw-back scenes.  Captain America, X-Men: First Class, Transformers, and Super 8.  Granted I didn't live in any of the time periods of these movies, but the "remember when" feel they had got to me.

It was Super 8 that really struck a chord in me.  The events of the movie taking place roughly a month before I was born made me remember photos of my brothers and sister from that time.  And there were a lot of things in it that I would remember growing up.  Star Wars (and the world at large) had yet to be subjected to the word "prequel."  The TMI incident, Rubik's Cube (which I've learned was an anachronism in the movie,) and just the over all feel of the setting reminded me of my childhood.


Just this past weekend (Sept 16-18) brought two huge pieces of childhood and youth back into the forefront.  Star Wars was released on Blu-ray chock-full of bits and bobs from a long time ago.  That and The Lion King was just re-released in theaters.  (Yes, I'm 32 years old and not ashamed to say I saw The Lion King with my mom.)  Ok so that wasn't really "childhood," but it came from a great summer that I spent with my brother in Florida.  Still nostalgic.

A few other things:

I made a trip to New York City (for less than 24 hours) but it had been over 20 years since I was last there.  It took me back to walking the bustling streets with my dad and brother.  Remembering that I had actually gone up in the Twin Towers.

Reconnecting with childhood friends back in this area has been a real trip down memory lane as well.  Especially hanging out with my good friend Shawn (check his blog out at OctoberSon over in the links to the right!)

It's been twenty years since this zarking good friend gave me a firm introduction to the art and stories of comic books.  And here I am again 20 years later, hanging out with this same friend, geeking out over movies, getting comic books, eating pizza, and laughing like mad men as we bounce creative ideas off each other like a proverbial beach ball.

I've realized though, that I'm not just reliving the past.  Cause that wouldn't be a good thing.  All this stuff coming back, or taking me back, or however you want to say it...is actually moving me forward.  Unlike the Metallica song, the memory does more than remain.  It's propelling me forward.  It's reminding me who I am, what I love, what moves me.

I've been asked a few times why I chose to move back home.  To some it just seems backwards.   Why go back?  Why give up a good thing I had in Illinois for uncertainty?  Why back to a place I had been instead of a new place?

Well, this is why.  The nostalgic momentum.  I didn't know that would be the result of the past four months.  I didn't know what was going to happen when I loaded up that truck and drove out of Joliet.  I had plans and dreams and schemes...some are still in place, others have been passed by.

The biggest prompting, however, was God.  There was no writing on the wall, no burning bush, no vivid dream and interpretation.  I just knew it was time to go.  The direction wasn't clear, but the prompting to pack up and go was clear.

When I think back to those years in the early 80's especially, I may have been a naive child, but there is something to be said about that kind of innocence and acceptance.  It was a time before the divorce, before my family moved to every corner of the country.  The internet was still a decade off, and there was still a mystery to the world on a vast global scale.  Cellphones didn't fit in your pocket, if you could even afford one.  Optimus Prime and Snake Eyes didn't have lips, and Anakin was an old guy who looked like your grandpa.  

So, here I am, the far side of summer.  The music of Elbow, Giacchino, and Williams twisting out of my speakers like auditory pavement under the rubber bike tires of my memory.  They carry me back across the season, the miles, and the decades.

I'm a 32 year old boy in mismatched clothing, socks half-way up to my knees and big dreams in my heart.

Grace, Peace, & Hope
-Jersey