87 - Wanna Touch Things I Don't Feel

I heard this song for the first time 10 years ago on one of Disney's last "hand drawn" movies.  The poor movie didn't do so well.  But I liked it.  I like the classic version of the story better, but their sci-fi interpretation wasn't too bad.

Personally, the TNT version with a young Christian Bale and Charlton Heston is my favorite.  Oh, right  I'm talking about the movie Treasure Planet.

I was here in PA for Thanksgiving in 2002.  I was not my best self in those days.  I didn't want to be there.  So when my age old friend Shawn invited me to see this move, I leaped at the chance to go out.  That, and I always enjoy going to the movies with that guy.  Lots of memories in that activity for us.  So, there we were out to the movies at the now extinct AMC Camp Hill Mall 2 screen theater, in late November, seeing this movie.  It would be a few months before this song really hit me though.

Song 87
        "I'm Still Here" by Johhny Reznik from the soundtrack to Treasure Planet

What I love about this song, and how it related to me then, is that it's from the perspective of this kid trying to find himself.  Who he really is.  I was struggling and searching at that time.  Well, maybe not searching, but not really sure what type of person I wanted to be.  I know that sounds silly, but there it is.  It would be a few years of wandering and confusion, or denying (since deep down I knew.)  And oddly, this song is one that has stuck with me, and acts as a type of ground wire when I feel like I'm ready to drift off again.

I really enjoy these lyrics:

And you see the things they never see
All you wanted, I could be
Now you know me, and I'm not afraid
And I wanna tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man?
They can't break me
As long as I know who I am

I might not know every thing about myself.  I know I've got a lot to work on, to change and grow.  But despite that a lot of people might look at my life, where I'm at now, as being...well, whatever, I'm happy.  I know there are other things out there, things I will get to, and do.  But it's okay to not have a detailed plan.  Live life today, and be smart about tomorrow.

I  don't have myself tied into this idea of "what I want to be," anymore.  I'm moderately good at a few things, have insight or experience in other things that make me just smart enough to be dangerous, but more than anything I know there is a lot I don't know, and don't understand. 

But I know who I am.

Some days, I'm better at being me than others...but we all have those.  And every day, I learn something new about myself.  Or try to teach myself something new.  Or find something new to love and appreciate.

grace, peace + hope-Jesse