True North

On Christmas Day I went to see the movie Lincoln.  It was an incredibly filmed and acted movie.  I'm sure it will win a few awards in the coming months.  But like many movies, I hope, it speaks to people.  That it will challenge them and spur them on in their lives.


One moment that really reached through the screen and slapped me in the face more effectively than any 3D presentation I've ever seen was when Abe talks about a compass and true north.

A compass will point you true north. but it won’t show you the swamps between you and there.  If you don’t avoid the swamps, and get bogged down, what’s the use of knowing true north?

Now, I don't know if this is something the president has ever said or not.  It's still an effective and powerful thought.  At first glimpse this idea could be seen as compromising your beliefs.  I don't hold to that opinion.

True North is a guide.  It's a way to know where you are and to check your bearings.  To know that you need to move more East or West.  To know where, when and how to correct your course to remain on your path.

Like the example of a swamp, sometimes you cannot simply press on.  You have to go around.  Or find your way through, at a much slower, and riskier path.  Maybe it's not a swamp.  Maybe it is a mountain in your way.  You can keep marching straight north if you like.  Perhaps you'll make it over the mountain that way.   Or, maybe, just maybe that path will defeat you.  Or claim the lives of those traveling with you.

More likely you will look for a pass, or a route that will take you quickly and safely over, or as close to those as possible, and allow you to pick up following true north on the other side.

Cause the only way to pass a mountain that is blocking your forward advance is through it.  Like a tunnel.  It's destructive.  To the mountain and those blasting through.  And you end up robbing yourself of the journey and experiences that wait in the struggle over the mountain.

For those who follow Jesus as their true north, remember this; there is room to move about.  Jesus gave a few very strong and specific commands, but they are also many broad strokes.  Sometimes Jesus will lead you to a mountain, or a swamp.  Don't blast through the mountain, or chop down a forest to build a bridge over the swamp.  Look for the detours and smaller paths that He will lead you to.

If you are at that mountain, it means there is a difficult bit of journey ahead, and you will be changed, challenged, and exhausted by it.  But you will come down the other side different.  Stronger, because your weakness allows Jesus to work.  Wiser, because your mistakes led to Jesus teaching you.  Better, because you spent that much more time in His presence, following where he leads.

No journey is a straight line.  (Unless you live in the Midwest where it's really boring to drive.)  Turning East or West does not always mean going off course and missing the mark.  Sometimes the road takes a curve or bend that eventually leads you back North.

Know where you are going, but discover the road along the way.


grace, peace + hope-Jesse

Home is Behind, The World is Ahead

Music gets under my skin like few things do.  And one band that delivers song after song right through me is, Mumford & Sons.  I can't find a thing I don't like about their latest album.  But this post isn't about a band.  But I wanted to post lyrics from their song Babel that are just ringing true this morning.

'Cause I know my weakness, know my voice,
And I believe in grace and choice
And I know perhaps my heart is fast,
But I’ll be born without a mask

2012 was not an easy year.  But why should it have been?  And I know my year compared to others wasn't that bad.  I'm not complaining.  But it was rough.  And 2011 wasn't a smooth year either.  Again, why should it have bee?

I moved from Illinois back to Pennsylvania in May 2011.  I left behind a lot of comfort.  A good job, a cosy home, great friends, and a clear defined roll in ministry.  It was familiar, comfortable, and for lack of better words, pretty much what I always wanted.  At least in some regards.  But a curious thing started in 2010, the things I thought I wanted began to change.  Or become redefined.  The comfort of where I was was not comfortable in my spirit.

That's not saying anything about or against any of those things.  For those of you who are on a similar journey with me, in following God, know that he doesn't usually let us settle in with comfort, ease, and familiarity for long.

So here I am, a year and a half later and I feel like every step that I've taken since then has been one hammer fall after another.  The ringing metal of a blacksmith at his trade echoing through my soul like a pebble falling into a canyon.

I don't want to be anywhere else.


Contrary to what many 'reality' shows, celebrities, movies, and other things tell you.  Life is not about living comfortably.  At least not if you want to follow Jesus.  Oh there will be times of rest, peace, and comfort, but it won't necessarily come from nice things.  It generally will come from an exhausting day spent giving of yourself to others.  Knowing that His love and hope have been poured into people around you.

Last night on returning from a New Years Eve get together my good friend asked me what my dreams of the future looked like.  It was a very good question.  One I do tumble about the old noggin frequently.  But I've not been asked to put words to it for some time.  I'm not satisfied with the response I gave, though I wouldn't say it was inaccurate, but it was a finger painting compared to what I really see in the fully detailed painting in my heart.

She asked what it looked like where I was, who or what was around me.  I rambled off a few things about traveling and working/living in various communities around the globe, particularly in Africa and Europe, and a few other things.  But when I got home and close my eyes this is what I saw:

I'm sitting on a small stool in a dimly lit room.  There are a few other people with me.  I can't tell who they are specifically.  One of them is family.  Be it one of my brothers, my sister, or maybe a wife.  Three of the others are people who live in whatever town/village/city we are in.  The remaining two are travelers or visitors.  I don't know where this place is, but it's not the USA.

We are sitting around this smallish room, not crowded, but tight.  There are remains of a meal on plates on our laps or tables and the arms of chairs.  I'm holing a cup of water.  Everyone is tired, dirty, and there are scrapes and bruises on all of us.  But we are all smiling and laughing.  I am happy.  Some one is telling a story and I nearly choke on my water.  (If you've been around me while I'm eating or drinking and funny stories are being told, you can easily picture this.)

Whatever we are working on is coming along.  There are complications and difficulties.  But all endeavors worth time, sweat, and blood have such things.  We have every right to be discouraged and frustrated, and there may be some elements of that, but we will tackle the project again tomorrow.  And the problems will be overcome.  The laughter subsides and well all grow pensive for a moment before the light flickers out and my image fades...I know that I'm at home.

 That's what I see in my future.  It's out there and I'm headed towards it.  I don't know when or where, but I'm putting one tired foot in front of the other moving towards it.

Like Bilbo Baggins, we sometimes rush out the door without our handkerchiefs.  Thing is, the journey we are on may not give time for the comforts of a handkerchief.  Gandalf wisely replies to Bilbo's query on whether he can promise that Bilbo will make it home:

"No... and if you do, you will not be the same."

At first that is too much for Bilbo and he refuses to go.  But he knows that he must.  And he does.  And as soon as he leaves his door he begins to miss that which he was leaving behind.  It starts out as a point of weakness.  But in time his longing for home, allows him to become empathetic toward his companions lack of a home, and his goal is to help them get one.


Home is behind, the world is ahead...


grace, peace + hope (always hope)
-Jesse

90 - You've Come to Journeys End

The final song.

It has been a journey my friends.  I hope you have enjoyed it!

This song has been picked out and waiting for this day for almost 3 months.  And now it's here.  It seemed a fitting song all things considered.  At least for me.

It's a song that carried me off to sleep countless hundreds of times.  It is ethereal, haunting, and beautiful.  It was the last song in the last film of an incredible trilogy.  The movies defied all my expectations.  Well, most of them.  And this song was the perfect way to wrap out the franchise.

Song 90/Day 90        "Into the West" sung by Annie Lennox from the Academy Award Winning* motion picture soundtrack, The Lord of the Rings - The Return of the King.

*The Oscar was for this song: music and lyrics by Fran Walsh, Howard Shore and Annie Lennox

This song comforts me and brings tears to my eyes at the same time.  It's a bittersweet lullaby.

In it are words used in the film when Gandalf tells Pippin what happens when they die.  It's beautiful imagery taken in part from the final chapter of Tolkien's book.  The song was written as a lament from Galadriel.  And with that in mind it's even more enchanting as Cate Blanchette's performance as that figure is stunning and breathtaking.

This song just chills me in the most positive of ways, down to my core.  I love falling asleep to it.  It's not a song I think that can just be listened to for "fun."  At least not for me.  There is a weight and responsibility that comes with it.  Almost like someone carrying an ember to the next village in a time when fire was the gold men longed for.

The simplicity of the music in this song, the horns, and her voice just thrill the mind.

I couldn't think of a better song to say farewell to this series, and the season I love so much.  It's cold, damp, and wet out as I write this.  But this song kindles the fire of hope and "what is to come" in my heart and mind.

Hope fades
Into the world of night
Through shadows falling
Out of memory and time
Don't say: "We have come now to the end"
White shores are calling
You and I will meet again
And you'll be here in my arms
Just sleeping

grace, peace + hope
-Jesse

89 - 'Cause Holy Cow, I Love Your Eyes

It's the penultimate song!

It has been quite a ride doing this series.  But it has been fun for me, and I hope you've come across some songs you might not have heard before.  If more came out of this, all the better!  I won't be posting on this particular title every day anymore.  But I'll try to get at least one a week of somesort here.  I've got two others that I write. 

One is a movie/comic book/music/whatever review called Critical Masses.  The other is a blog on discipleship at the oh so cleverly named M28 Discipleship Blog.  I'm not the only contributor there, but I do a lot of the heavy lifting.  There are links to them over---------------->here

under the title of "Go Here."

Enough self promotion...on to the music!

This song comes from, what I have to consider my favorite band, Elbow.  I have posted several of their songs on this list, and I could have posted a lot more.  You can click the HERE to read the first song post with them, and how I "discovered" their music.

Song 89        "One Day Like This" from Elbow and their album The Seldom Seen Kid

This song starts off with some beautiful strings and grows and develops from there into a big sweeping declaration of hope.  At least that's what it does for me.  And you should know by now what hope means to me.  If not, let's just say it is one of the forces that move me every day.  Not a specific hope, just pure unadulterated hope.  It might not always show...or be on my sleeve, but give me a moment and it'll come back to the surface.

'Cause holy cow, I love your eyes
And only now I see the light
Yeah, lying with you half awake
Stumbling over what to say
Well, anyway, it's looking like a beautiful day

It's easy to get caught in the rut of life.  The routine of everyday.  Waking up.  Going to work.  Probably a job you don't get excited about.  Or at least the excitement has gone.  Maybe your relationships are the same.  Stale.  Boring.  Tired.  But guess what.  A lot of that stuff is up to you.  At least how you see it.

If you see your life through a grimy window, and realize it's a dirty room covered in dust and cobwebs...well, guess who cleans it?  Yeah, you.  Take the advice of this song...

So throw those curtains wide
One day like this a year would see me right
Throw those curtains wide
One day like this a year would see me right

Think about that.  One day a year will set that guy right.  Wouldn't that be great!?  To have such an awesome day, that you're so charged and filled you make it 365 days.  I know that seems impossible, and maybe it is.  But I tell you what, you can make a choice every morning to not let the grime, dust, and cobwebs back in.

I don't mean that in some hippie-dippy way that you just need to have a positive outlook or anything like that.  Sure, stuff will come a long that is disappointing and frustrating.  Like not realizing your car has a switch for parking lights that stay on when the keys are removed, and you disconnect your battery cable for 3 weeks until you remember to google search your problem...realizing all you had to do was hit an oh-so-obvoius-it's hidden-button.  Or something serious like cancer.

You have a choice.  You can react slightly poorly like I did with my car.  Or with grace and dignity like I've seen people approach cancer.  I'm sure they have their moments of fear and breakdown..even if just inside.  But we choose how we move on.  We can let these things define us, or shape us.

It might seem subtle, but there is a difference.  Defining means that's the end.  There is this limited extent of who we are.  Or we can be shaped.  Moulded into something different, but similar.

Okay, I'm going to leave it at that.  I'm putting my soapbox away.

Go, listen to the music.  Enjoy.  And throw those curtains as wide as you can!!!  (Just be dressed!)

grace, peace + hope
-Jesse

88 - That's Why I Hold

This band is coming in a close second favorite of mine.  If their future releases continue to blow me away they may take the lead at some point.  For now, they are contentedly at number two.

I've given a lot of love to their new album since this series started.  But I haven't doted on their first release as much as I thought I would have.

Song 88
        "After the Storm" from Mumford & Sons on their first album, Sigh No More

This song is one of the stand out songs for me on a stand out album.  I mean, just about every song on both of their albums is amazing, but this one continues to stay with me.  Again, this song is just ripe with hope.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

I can't get enough hope.  I know I sound like a broken record.  So be it.

Another thing about this song I love is the build up, like the rise to the hero accomplishing his task at the end of a story.  Shivers man.  Shivers.

I see a dark barren wood.  Someone, maybe me, maybe not, has to cross it.  And they push through.  It's dark, cold, damp and ugly.  No life.  It takes a long time.  And there is a storm that sets in.  Cold, biting rain and steady wind.  When it clears, they have reached the other side of the woods and there is a clean white valley of snow, and a little house down in the bottom, with lights glowing and an inviting fire sending smoke out the chimney.  Go for it.

I don't know what else to say about them.  I've said a lot.  Their music gets under my skin, and into my heart.  It moves me. Challenges me.  Even encourages me.  I hope it can do the same for you.  Or maybe it'll send you asking questions that lead you to those things.

Either way, go for it!

grace, peace + hope
-Jesse

87 - Wanna Touch Things I Don't Feel

I heard this song for the first time 10 years ago on one of Disney's last "hand drawn" movies.  The poor movie didn't do so well.  But I liked it.  I like the classic version of the story better, but their sci-fi interpretation wasn't too bad.

Personally, the TNT version with a young Christian Bale and Charlton Heston is my favorite.  Oh, right  I'm talking about the movie Treasure Planet.

I was here in PA for Thanksgiving in 2002.  I was not my best self in those days.  I didn't want to be there.  So when my age old friend Shawn invited me to see this move, I leaped at the chance to go out.  That, and I always enjoy going to the movies with that guy.  Lots of memories in that activity for us.  So, there we were out to the movies at the now extinct AMC Camp Hill Mall 2 screen theater, in late November, seeing this movie.  It would be a few months before this song really hit me though.

Song 87
        "I'm Still Here" by Johhny Reznik from the soundtrack to Treasure Planet

What I love about this song, and how it related to me then, is that it's from the perspective of this kid trying to find himself.  Who he really is.  I was struggling and searching at that time.  Well, maybe not searching, but not really sure what type of person I wanted to be.  I know that sounds silly, but there it is.  It would be a few years of wandering and confusion, or denying (since deep down I knew.)  And oddly, this song is one that has stuck with me, and acts as a type of ground wire when I feel like I'm ready to drift off again.

I really enjoy these lyrics:

And you see the things they never see
All you wanted, I could be
Now you know me, and I'm not afraid
And I wanna tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man?
They can't break me
As long as I know who I am

I might not know every thing about myself.  I know I've got a lot to work on, to change and grow.  But despite that a lot of people might look at my life, where I'm at now, as being...well, whatever, I'm happy.  I know there are other things out there, things I will get to, and do.  But it's okay to not have a detailed plan.  Live life today, and be smart about tomorrow.

I  don't have myself tied into this idea of "what I want to be," anymore.  I'm moderately good at a few things, have insight or experience in other things that make me just smart enough to be dangerous, but more than anything I know there is a lot I don't know, and don't understand. 

But I know who I am.

Some days, I'm better at being me than others...but we all have those.  And every day, I learn something new about myself.  Or try to teach myself something new.  Or find something new to love and appreciate.

grace, peace + hope-Jesse

86 - No Place

This song is a real gut wrencher for me.

It comes from that wonderful show, Lost.  This particular song comes from the end of Season 4, which is one of my favorite seasons.  I won't spoil it in case you have yet to watch the show, but it is beyond perfect for the moments it is played over.  And like many great musical moments from that show, it's done with no dialogue, because the music carries the emotion of the scene.  I get misty when ever I see that scene or listen to the song.

And not just because of the show.

Two years ago, after deciding I was going to leave Illinois I had a good long conversation with my friend Steve.  He was the first person I spoke the words out loud to about moving.  It was New Years Eve, and we were planning the nights activities for the Bin.

After that conversation at Wendy's, I got in my car and started up my iPod.  And this is the song that greeted me...

Song 86
        "There's No Place Like Home" from Lost Season 4, by Michael Giacchino

I'm not ashamed to say I was full on weeping by the time the track was over.  Deciding to leave Plainfield/Joliet was a thing.  There had been so much healing for me there, wonderful friendships, and a good bit of growth, emotionally, spiritually, financially.  It was knowing that I would be saying so-long to a lot of amazing people who still continue to impact my life today.  I so want to list your names but it would fill up this post and my mind not being fully awake would probably miss someone.  Like Eddie.

This song takes me to that moment, and the day we loaded up the moving truck, and pulled out of Joliet.  It would have been a far more difficult task if not for my friend Jess traveling with me.

Also, there is a whole odd connection in my mind to my life and the show Lost.  You can read about that over here.  So this song pulls very strongly at me.

The reason it's here on this list, is well, I just plain like it.  The soft piano at the beginning and gentle swells into the strings are very Autumnal.  It's forlorn, but hopeful and beautiful.  It carries sadness and delight.  The end is just a new beginning that hasn't taken root yet.

All that, and I just have to add, Home is not a specific location.  At least not for me.  They say home is where your heart is, well, then I have homes all over the world.  And I love visiting every one of them.  Some I haven't even been to.   Yet.

grace, peace + hope
-Jesse

84/85 - Now I Am Under All/Is that Bridge Getting Built

This first song is from an artist that was here much earlier in the list.  So the set up for how I came across this song isn't new.  But this particular song is a sweet calm spot in the chaos that is going on today.

Song 84
        "Never Let Me Go" from Florence + the Machine's album Ceremonials

It's a grand sweeping song that just has a hymn quality to it.  I'm not quite sure what the song is about.  A lot of her songs seem to have some darker tinged meanings that I either don't get or don't accept.  Doesn't make the song any less moving or powerful.

Just as in the earlier song posted, Heartlines, her vocals are the most moving part of the songs.  And on this one there is a haunting and calming sound to her words.

It's a great song for a day like today.  Just to step back from all the chaos of life, the hustle of the Christmas season (which kills the holiday if you ask me,) and the tragedy in Connecticut.  Find someone you care about, give them a hug, and let them know you'll never let them go.

--

 Another repeat band.

This song, is not as somber as the previous one.  But this song just inspires me to keep going.  And I don't mean keep going as in living, but to keep working on stuff, not to give up, and not to despair. 

Odd, maybe, for a song titled....

Song 85
        "Lost In My Mind" from the self-titled The Head and the Heart

I don't know that it is about this song, but it's just got this 'keep moving, don't quit' drive to it for me.  It's light, musically speaking, meaning it's not over mixed and over effected.  It just gives me the sense of a train roaring through the landscape taking someone on to a new home, a new adventure, a new life.

The train races through woods, and across snow speckled fields, and cold grey skies.  Maybe they are rushing home for Christmas.  Who knows!  That's the fun thing about music.  It can take your mind almost anywhere, depending on who is doing the listening.

So there it is.  Enjoy!

grace, peace + hope
-Jesse